Question:
Hi RxPRN mentors! I was wondering if you had any advice on maintaining a one-sided friendship. When this friend comes to me for help with school, I always try to help with the best of my ability. But when I ask for help, I am either ignored or end up getting very minimal help. Sometimes I wonder if I should continue to put effort into this "friendship".
Answer 1:
Thank you for reaching out to RxPRN! I am so sorry that you are dealing with this situation—I’ve experienced something similar and know what you must be going through. Relationships can be complicated and difficult to manage; however, they should be mutual and bring joy. You must be feeling frustrated and upset by the lack of effort on your friend’s part. Have you expressed your feelings on the situation? Perhaps your friend is currently dealing with their own personal issues and doesn’t feel like they have the energy to properly reciprocate the friendship. Or, maybe your friend doesn’t even realize what they’ve been doing. Regardless, communicating about the situation with your friend, even though it might be difficult, is likely the best thing to do in this situation. If it turns out this person simply does not want to put in effort for your friendship, understand that this is likely for the best. Although it will hurt, relationships change and people grow in different directions. Consider taking time to care for yourself, meeting new people, and letting your “friend” go. You deserve to surround yourself with people who genuinely want to talk and spend time with you.
Answer 2:
It sounds like you somewhat have a feeling of what you wanna do. Consider why you would want to continue being friends with this person? Does it outweigh the feelings you get from being ignored/receiving minimal help from this friend. At the end of the day I think it's important to prioritize yourself and do what's right for you, especially if you have a tendency to be a people pleaser, since over time it might take a toll on you (speaking from experience). You can also communicate these feelings to your friend (that you feel ignored/want more effort put into the friendship). Perhaps the friend isn't intentionally turning this into a one-sided friendship and will put in more effort in the future knowing that it's been bothering you.
Answer 3:
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in this situation. It must be tiring to put forth your efforts into cultivating a meaningful friendship and feel that it isn’t being returned. There should be respect at the core of every relationship and I think it’s truly commendable that you continuously try to help your friend to the best of your ability. I think it’s important to reflect on your current friendship with the individual and your feelings towards this relationship. Do they put effort into engaging in other aspects of the friendship other than academics (e.g. initiating conversations about how your weekend was, going out for lunch, etc.). Perhaps your friend may not feel too comfortable giving academic advice if they are not too strong in the subject matter. Do you feel that engaging with this person depletes your energy or negatively impacts your wellbeing? If the friendship is affecting your mental health and causing you high levels of stress, it is important to take a step back, put yourself first and take a break when needed. At the end of the day, you know your feelings best and personal reflection may help you decide how you want to tackle this situation.
Communication is essential in every relationship and expressing your feelings may help you better understand the situation. Expressing to your friend that you feel hurt or confused by their actions may help your friend realize that they are indeed not putting forth as much effort as they should. Having a conversation with your friend can help clear up misunderstandings or assumptions and may help relieve some stress off of your shoulders. I know how hard it is to feel like you’re a low priority in someone’s life, and I truly hope that you will be able to resolve this situation and choose what is best for you.
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