Question:
I was hoping to get some perspective on this. I've been seeing a guy for a while. I really liked him. I thought had similar personalities and values, and it was so rare for me to find someone like this. It's always been hard for me to connect to people, so it was nice that he and I connected so well. However, we recently ended things when we discovered we were on different stages of our lives. He is working, has a stable career and ready to settle down. I'm still figuring out where my career is going, and recently got inspired to chase after goals that will take us long distance for the next few years. He wasn't willing to go through that, and to go through all the chaos I would be going through in these next few years. I guess I'm just really discouraged that things ended with the one person I felt so strongly about. I know I would never give up on my career goals, but I'm also worried about finding someone else like him, and worried that I never will with how busy and hectic my schedule seems right now.
Response 1:
Break ups are never fun. Especially when you had this idea in the head of the future you had with this person. I know this is going to sound cliche, but there is the right person out there. I’ve had many a break up where I thought I saw myself being with this person forever, but looking back I now realize that it wasn’t the right fit. I know this is hard to do right now. So for the time being I would try and focus on things you feel passionate about like your career goals and your dreams. And make sure to take time for self care. I know school is busy, but you can always find 10-15 minutes to do something for you. Read a book that’s not for school, listen to a podcast, watch an episode of your favourite show, meditate. You will find the right person for you. Regardless of how hectic life is.
Response 2:
This must have been a really tough situation to be in, but sounds like you knew exactly what was right for you and made the right choice even though it was difficult. It’s always hard not to wonder “what if”. In tough situations, I always tell myself that things happen for a reason and usually later down the road I end up being thankful for the difficult times I’ve gone through because they strengthened me and gave me a greater understanding of myself. I know it’s easy to focus on all the things you had in common but continuing on with a relationship when you are in drastically different places likely would not have ended well for either of you. Every time you feel sad about what you gave up to focus on your career, think about how you would have felt if you gave up your career to be with him. It’s completely normal to feel discouraged, but this is only temporary and now is the time to focus on yourself and build the life that YOU want. It’s true that we have a busy, hectic schedule but life won’t be like this forever (sometimes keeping busy helps me when I’m feeling down). You have lots of time to find the person that is right for you—including being on the same stage in your life.
Response 3:
I believe that there is such thing as “right person, wrong time”. Life is funny in the way that it sometimes comes around in a full circle. Since you both mutually decided this is what would be best right now, it is important for you to not dwell on the “what if”s. Enjoy your life for the next couple of years and take risks! Try not to jump into another relationship too quickly and enjoy being independent! You never know if you guys will reconnect in 2 or 3 years and maybe something will come from that if its meant to be!