Question:
I feel very alone at school everyone has their group and I feel like an outsider. I don’t know what to do I feel like I try to make an effort to make friends but I haven’t become a part of anyone’s group yet.
Response 1:
Dear anonymous,
Feeling like an outsider is never easy - I want to acknowledge that. It’s especially difficult, because this is a professional school and a satellite campus. You’re in a small class which can often feel cliquey. Wanting fit in is normal, but it’s also a stressful situation to be in.
You’re not the first person to go through this, you're not alone. I think the most important thing about this situation is realizing that what you need is genuine and meaningful friendship, and not just “fitting” into a group for the sake of inclusivity. From my undergraduate experience, I knew of some people who went out of their way (ie. going out to eat with “friends” all the time to feel included in the group) but ultimately didn’t feel satisfied in the long run. So try to connect with your peers with mutual interests, even if it’s studying together. Pharm kids who study together… graduate together.
And also, I just want to tell you about my personal experience. First year was daunting for me as well. I didn’t have many friends, and I basically only hung out with my roommates. I didn’t really feel happy the way other people seemed to be with their group, and really clicking together. Ultimately things just worked out the way it should. I had to go through some tough times, going through arguments with the group that I was with, being super unhappy, and then I realized that we would never see eye to eye. At that point I realized I was being unappreciated and it wasn’t good for me to maintain the friendship. I started becoming close with other people in my class the next year, and now we’re amazing friends. I depend on them and trust them completely. Just know that cliques aren’t permanent and people change and fall in and out. You’ll definitely find your group of friends, it just might take longer for some people, like you and me.
My last piece of advice would be to just be natural and be yourself. Honestly there’s no point in trying too hard, because it should be 50/50 anyway. But that doesn’t mean putting in zero effort. I think you’ll make it fine by drawing people to you based on your unique personality and energy that only you can bring.
If you want to talk more about it, then definitely shoot another message/email, and we can talk in private (there are other great mentors as well!)
Response 2:
Hi there,
I just wanted to add onto my peer’s answer above. Professionals schools can be tough because we have a gathering of people who come from different schools, ages, and backgrounds. I know it can feel like you have to find the right group within class, but you really don’t. In fact, if you haven’t found anyone that you truly enjoy spending time with, that is 100% okay! I often find that I can only spend so much time with my pharmacy peers. I think we’re a great bunch of people, but I also really value spending time with friends who are not related to pharmacy at all. In a class of 120 people, some people will click and some won’t. Again, that is more than okay!
That being said, if you are still looking for some pals at school, just remember to be true to yourself. It really is the best way to make meaningful relationships in the long run. You really are enough, whether you have friends within your class or not.