Question:
I've been in a relationship with a guy I've known since high school, but over the past couple years we've really been drifting apart. We've grown into two totally different people and we don't feel like a couple anymore. We've tried talking through problems but we're both so busy with school that no real improvement happens, and things just go in circles.
I'll be graduating soon and I feel pressured to decide where our relationship stands after that, especially since we were talking about living together. Part of me wants to break things off, but this is the first and only relationship I've been in, and I don't know how I could deal with that on top of pharmacy school. I'm really torn on what to do right now )=
Response 1:
Some people are reluctant to end long-term relationships since they don’t want to leave their comfort zone and it can be undeniably painful. He was there for a significant period of your life and you have grown together. It is OK for two people in a relationship to be different (or to change...as long as it’s for the better), but compatibility is essential for it to work. Do you still have similar interests? Do you find time for each other despite your respective busy schedules? Do you enjoy being in each other’s company or do conversations constantly turn into arguments? There are many questions that you can ask yourself, but it all comes down to whether you are still happy with him.
If you are on the fence even after serious self-reflection, then perhaps now is not the best time to end the relationship. Dealing with school and post-breakup blues at the same time may be too hard if you aren’t completely convinced that breaking up is the best thing to do right now. Keep in mind that once you graduate, you don’t have to move in with him right away. That being said, if the only reason you are staying is because it is your first relationship, then remind yourself that it doesn’t have to be your last. Breakups are hard, but if you aren’t happy and if you don’t see a future with him, then it may be time to move on. All the best.
Response 2:
I’m sorry to hear that you going through such a difficult time right now. It is hard to decide whether or not to end a long-term relationship because you truly care about that person and have spent a great deal of time together. That being said, it’s not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship if you are unhappy.
I would suggest talking about how you are feeling with your boyfriend and perhaps instead of seeing other people right away, you could discuss the possibility of both committing to a break where you focus on yourselves. You can discover who each of you truly are and then give the relationship another try. Moving in together is a big step and it might be a good idea to spend some time apart after graduation before making this decision. The best advice is to have an open and honest discussion with your boyfriend and work together to find the solution that is best for both of you.
Response 3:
We don’t typically have 3 responses, and the previous two responses have been great, but I feel very strongly about this subject so I’m going to answer anyway. If you seriously think you’ve grown apart and you’re only staying because it’s comfortable and you’ve made a significant effort to talk things over but it hasn’t led to the resolution you’ve hoped for, break it off. You will seriously be so much happier. I’ve had too many friends/colleagues tell me about breaking off a long-term relationship (4-6 years, sometimes longer) that they didn’t think was going to work, and while it is absolutely miserable in the beginning (I don’t want to downplay how miserable and terrifying it is to end something you’ve know for so long), they were almost always happier.
In a way, I think you’ve already made your decision, but you’re scared - which is entirely understandable and normal. You don’t have to make the “decision” now, and I don’t want to sway you in the wrong direction, but if you’ve seriously thought things over, it might be time to accept that the relationship has run its course. Life is too short to be unhappy. It’s unfair to the both of you to stay in a relationship that isn’t gratifying. With that said, if you think there’s even a marginal chance of it working out, please try to talk it over first, you never know what can happen. It’s such a huge decision, and ultimately, it is your choice. Either way, I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.
XO
Irene